Sad day today. RIP baby girl.

Today is a sad day. Today is the day my baby girl passed away, 3 years ago.

I was shocked when I found out I was pregnant with twins.... We could not have been happier though.

Everything started to go bad from 12 weeks. We were told our son had a 1 in 4 chance of survival. I had a CVS and everything came back fine. Then at 16 weeks pregnant my son was diagnosed with a VSD (Ventricular septal defect) which is basically a hole in the heart. And my daughter was diagnosed with HLHS (Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome) which is pretty much half a heart. The whole left side of her heart was underdeveloped and not functioning.

Our sons condition was not too serious, he would be fine. However our daughter would need an operation not long after being born. We had high hopes. The dr said if you had no choice but to have HLHS you would want hers.

Well I went into labour at 32 weeks and ended up having an emergency c-section. The weight requirement for surgery was 2.2kg and she weighed 1.8kg...They would not operate.

We spent the next 7 days praying for a miracle, hoping she would gain weight. Then things took a turn for the worst 1 night and it was clear to us that she was dying. We had 2 choices. Let her live a couple of days longer, hooked up to the machines without us holding her... Or we could unhook her, take her with us and spend some time together. We decided to hold her.

We spent 2 days being with her. She slept in our bed with us for 2 nights, we played her music, told her everything we wanted her to know. Then on the 9th of April her little heart stopped beating. It has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with... And still dealing with it now.

I am however happy to say my son was born with no problems. By the time he was born his VSD fixed itself. He is a happy healthy 3 year old.

To my baby girl- I love you... I'm thinking of you always xox